Is it okay to cheat with my ex-husband who is married to the home wrecker who broke up the marriage? We have 3 kids, and he wants to come back.

Your ex-husband had an affair, married the other woman, and now wants to come back while staying married to her. That means he is asking you to be the affair partner this time.

Sit with that for a moment. The role he is offering you is the exact role that caused you pain.

What he is really proposing

He isn't proposing to fix the family. He is proposing to have access to you without the cost of leaving her. If he wanted to come back, the path is clear: leave the marriage, do the work, earn trust back over time. "Coming back" while married to someone else is not coming back. It is having two situations at once, and you would be the secret one.

Your three kids are watching, even when they look like they aren't. Children don't hear the words adults use to explain complicated arrangements. They feel the instability, the tension, the half-presence of a parent who is somewhere else half the time. What they need from both of you is clarity, not a situation that keeps everyone suspended.

What you actually want

It is worth separating two things that can feel like the same thing: wanting your family whole, and wanting this specific man back on these specific terms. The first one is real and it makes complete sense. The second one is a different ask entirely.

If he genuinely wants to rebuild with you and the children, he knows what that requires. It requires him to end his current marriage, go through whatever legal and emotional process that takes, and then approach you honestly. Anything short of that puts you back in the position of waiting for someone who hasn't chosen you.

You deserve to be someone's first choice, not their parallel one. So do your kids.